Today is the day, I will finally return to some of this public writing which we set out on over a year ago, and the last entry of mine took place in March. Needless to say, it's been a while.
Coming back to this was one of my goals of Advent and of the Year of Faith. I think this is the springboard that will finally create the good habits we sought for our Year (yes, I know, it started October 11). We've begun several things, it's just putting them to practice where the obstacle lies, always in the ever-consuming path of time.
As I sit here and write, I'm more relaxed than I've been all day, listening to some chants & polyphony from St. Michael's Abbey, which I highly recommend (And it's an hour long, like it was made for adoration).
We began a bible study especially for the Y.O.F., written by Fr. Mitch Pacwa, of which we've only done one lesson, but as we progress we plan to share our learning here.
I began to journal while in contemplation, either in the church sanctuary, adoration chapel, or just a quiet place. The long term goal for that is to become a book, hopefully to be used in prayer and contemplation, and God willing, conversions. But even as I write that, I've been bogged down everywhere, and haven't been to it in weeks.
What else...oh, yes I've begun a pile of book reading, which isn't really out of the ordinary for me, but now it's all geared toward the renewal of my faith and strengthening my knowledge of it. The Catechism (10 paragraphs down, 2855 to go), continuing in 'In Defense of Sanity' by G.K. Chesterton (excellent), 'Angels & Devils' by Joan Carroll Cruz
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'The Fathers Know Best' by Jimmy Akin, daily scripture readings, and currently some Advent reflections. I'm halfway through Humanae Vitae, and I'll probably add something about the Second Vatican Council's documents. One book that really helped me return to my faith a few years back, was the one below about the life of Padre Pio.
But with all of these things on the plate, as much as I would like it to be my focused plate, it's not the only one in the house, so to speak. There's always work that takes up a good bit of the day, then home maintenance if there's time or daylight. But before all of that comes my wife, which I gladly defer attention to anytime. She is my closest companion and best friend; I really do wish we could spend all day together.
So yes, it is hard to find the time for these things. But sometimes God doesn't exactly just give us what we request, sometimes he gives us the means, because he knows we can accomplish it. And I have to constantly remind myself to trust. I get discouraged. I get overwhelmed. Good gracious, that I'm human. And then usually I get frustrated with myself, thinking that I should have gotten the hang of it by now. I fall into pride, because all of my life I've been pretty quick to learn anything (except calculus, but we won't go there), but when it comes to discerning God's will for me, I've got to go the limits of my patience sometimes, and trust.
I will try my best to add something in here every day, maybe just a thought, or something to share, nothing this long. I work with a wonderful group of people now, and I think sharing ups and downs of our days can bring us closer as members of the Body of Christ, and thus closer to Him. I invite anyone to share here, too, in the comment boxes.
It's like I needed to come back to my outlet, not venting, that seems more like complaining, but really sharing, without having to repeat myself. God knocks on the door, he gets your Guardian Angel to remind you, but until you answer you'll never know what he has in store for you. Another thing that we all can come to practice this Year is to find God in the silence. There's obviously a lack of it most places we are, but if we can find time to escape it, and be open to receive what He has to say, we may discover that depth of God-created soul we've been dousing in work and noise.
There are several journal entries that I'll summarize here later, so much to talk about. Another thing for me was to conquer the fear of writing again. A friend told me that fear doesn't come from God, so get writing! Fear of failure, it's a hard one, but if we keep in mind our human imperfection, then it kind of goes with the territory. Kind of relieving...
Talk to you soon,
Nick
