At my 41 week appointment (I was actually 40 weeks 4 days), checking in at 2 cm dilated, my doctor and I decided that if by that Friday I still wasn't in labor, I would have my membranes stripped, and if still nothing by Monday, I would be induced. As someone who was trying for an all natural birth and knowing that being induced increased the chances of wanting an epidural, I really did not want Monday to come with no baby in my arms.
A friend of mine from Ecuador called and recommended that I take a chamomile bath and take as long of a walk as I could possibly stand. I had already been walking in & around my house, fearful of going anywhere that didn't have a bathroom in close proximity, but on Thursday evening I got brave (became ever more determined?!), put on some Depends, and Nick & I went for a walk on the track behind the hospital that's close to our home. Happy to report no accidents, however, due to my incredibly swollen feet, I did walk away with blisters on both feet. That night I soaked in a chamomile bath, which is not only relaxing but smells good, too :-).
And....the next morning I woke up in labor! Now, I didn't know right away that it was labor. I just 'felt different' and I had had several women tell me that's how it started for them, too. I had been having mild contractions along with Braxton Hicks contractions for a few weeks, but that morning I started to have stronger ones. I decided to not go in for the membrane stripping and see how things progressed at home. When I spoke to the nurse, she told me to call the office and head to the clinic (at Woman's Hospital) if the contractions got to be 5 minutes apart or my water broke, but if they were coming closer together for me to just go to the hospital and my doctor would be called from there.
I grabbed the novel I was reading and began pacing slowly from one end of the living room through the kitchen. From about 9:00 a,m. - 12:00 noon I continued to have contractions, but they weren't consistent. Nick was really excited about being able to use the timing app that a friend had recommended, but my contractions were too irregular to track. Sometimes I didn't know when one was actually beginning, subsequent contractions weren't always 'longer & stronger' than previous ones, and some were 15 minutes apart while others seemed almost back to back. And, considering how painful my menstrual cramps had always been, these contractions were very manageable. I finished my novel a little before noon and decided to lay down on the couch and possibly take a short nap.
Five minutes later...a contraction so intense that I rolled onto my hands and knees on the couch and then, when trying to stand up, was brought to my knees. Nick was able to help me to the bathroom and, while they still weren't all that consistent in how they progressed, by the time an hour had passed he determined that the contractions had gone from about 10 minutes apart to 5 minutes apart. I don't think either of us could believe that they had progressed so quickly, but he nervously said, 'Uh, I think we need to start heading to the hospital', and I quickly agreed. He gathered our last minute items (the hospital bags had been packed and in the car for several weeks already!) and helped me to the car between a few more contractions.
Fast forward through the blurry yet painful car ride (Thank God for no major traffic delays!)...
We were almost to the hospital when Nick told me that my contractions were now 4 minutes apart. We got to the hospital campus and when he asked which way to go, Right to the clinic or Left to the hospital admissions, all I could do was point Left.
Finally we were checked in and were told that I was 5 cm dilated. I remembered from our birthing classes that you're more than halfway there once you're at 5 cm because the second five dilate quicker than the first five. Up to the delivery room we went, me writhing and wailing all the way, being gently reminded by the sweet nurses that I needed to breathe or else I would hyperventilate. :-)
I think we made it to the delivery room about 2:15 p.m., but by then my comprehension of time was virtually non-existent. I labored in several different positions, with Nick and my incredible nurses supporting me the entire time. We had learned how labor was cyclical, and that there would be breaks between contractions. Well, I think the longest break I had was about 3-4 minutes. Any time I wanted to change positions or go to the bathroom, I would have another contraction before getting there. Even if I would have requested an Epidural, I don't think I would have been able to get one, knowing you have to be completely still for the injection. I was barely getting a minute between contractions, and often times the pain would not fully subside from one before the next would begin. There was no being still.
We also had learned that it helps to vocalize your pain and that some women have a hard time 'letting go' and feeling comfortable enough to do so. Well, I'm surprised that I haven't been sent either a trophy or a fine from the hospital for being the Loudest Laborer of the year (maybe of all time?!). I remember thinking to myself that I sounded a bit like a howling wolf, and Nick said that at one point I screamed so loud that all the nurses stopped and looked at each other. I imagined the other women laboring at the same time deciding to 'get the drugs' when they heard the sounds coming out of my room. I also gave up the gown somewhere in the middle of all of this because who are those damn things made for anyway?? Any shred of modesty I had upon entering that room was quickly shed. Of course, the entire staff and the doctor (not my regular OB) were all women, but I honestly think having a man other than my husband in the room would have made absolutely no difference in that regard.
I think I started to push at about 5:30, or so I remember seeing that time on the clock while trying to move from the bathroom back to the bed, but I had already started pushing while still in the bathroom, so who knows? I had to stop pushing for a while because my cervix was swelling, and that wasn't too much fun. Back to pushing and regretting the lack of strengthening and endurance training I had done to prepare for such a task. Two things I said during this time: 'Just pull him out!' and 'I can't do this', the latter of which was responded to by everyone in the room - 'Yes you can, you're already doing it!'
The baby's head finally came out, and all the nurses said, 'Oh, that's kind of a big baby!' (gee, can you keep those comments to yourself until the rest of his body is out - I'm still working here!). Out he came (at 6:49 p.m.), and I caught a glimpse of between the baby's legs, but the umbilical cord was hanging there, so I didn't want to believe what I saw - someone was going to have to say it aloud for me to trust my eyes. The doctor asked Nick, 'Dad, do you want to tell her what you've got?' (I'm tearing up even now as I type this). A few moments hesitation (Nick told me afterward that he was giving his brain time to process so he'd be sure to say the correct gender, LOL)...and then he speaks: 'It's a girl.'
IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next to 'Will you marry me?' and 'I do.', these have been the best words spoken to me as of yet (and all by the same person!).
Let's back up several, say nine, months... when we found out we were pregnant, we had already decided that we would be leaving the gender a surprise, but of course everyone and their mama (especially our own!) made their predictions and most people predicted a boy, which I started to believe. My initial gut feeling, though, had been that it was a girl, and I wondered if I preferred a girl, and then I was overcome with guilt. God has given us the miracle of a baby so how could I be so greedy as to ask for one gender over the other?? So, not wanting to get my heart set on a girl in conjunction with my opinion that 'He' is more gender neutral than 'She', I referred to the baby as 'He' the entire pregnancy. Whenever asked about the gender, I'd respond with the expected 'We don't care, either way is fine, as long as he or she is healthy.' Which was totally true, but I'd silently think, 'But it would be really great if it were a girl', followed by a twinge of guilt. I would even defend my phantom son when others would press that could be a girl - 'What would be so wrong with a boy?' as part of my efforts to psych myself up for that possibility. My biggest fear was that my initial reaction upon delivery would be one of disappointment if it were a boy. Talk about the Worst Mother Ever. After all we had done to get pregnant?? I couldn't let that happen. I prayed so often for my level of excitement for a boy to be brought to the same level it was for a girl. Some days I felt it did, but overall it never quite got there.
Back to the delivery room:
I heard those sweet words, they handed her to me, and as I gazed at that beautiful face (and did a quadruple take at her 'parts' just to be extra sure), I said over and over 'I can't believe it, I can't believe it's a girl!' One of the nurses said, 'You must have really wanted a girl, Mom!' to which I responded, 'Yes, and now I can finally admit it!' Nick was surprised at how I felt. (I had mentioned it to him ONE time very early in the pregnancy but didn't harbor on it, so it's no wonder he didn't remember.)
One nurse took the baby for her cleanup session, and then started the After Birth.
What I had heard about dear, sweet after birth: The contractions are pretty mild, and you're so in love with your baby that you barely even notice that you're birthing the placenta.
What actually happened during my after birth: HORRIFIC, HORRENDOUS, I-WOULD-RATHER-PUSH-THE-BABY-OUT-AGAIN, PAIN. They started pushing on my abdomen as though they had just argued with their mothers and were taking out their frustration by kneading incredibly stubborn dough. I'm also fairly certain that the doctor had her entire forearm inside of me, and I could tell that she was pretty concerned about something but no one was saying anything. I yelled, 'What's wrong? Why does it hurt so much? What's happening?' at least three or four times before the doctor finally said 'There's a lot of blood and I don't know where it's coming from.' Oh, is that all? Gee, thanks, lady. Poor Nick. He told me later that he had never been so scared and that he almost passed out.
I not-so-casually asked for pain medication before she resumed her ritual, er, practice (that's what doctors do, right?). They obliged and I soon felt drunk. Thankfully the cause for concern was nothing serious, just excessive bleeding where I tore. Supposedly they gave me something locally before sewing me up, but I felt every stitch, literally saying (screaming?) 'Ow' with every prick of the needle.
Then it was all over, and they gave me back my precious daughter.
About to be discharged - ready to go home! |
Ruth is Nick's mom's middle name.
Her first name is after St. Colette, whose mother, after many years of wanting and waiting to have a baby, asked for the intercession of St. Nicholas, the patron of children, saying that if she did have a child she would name the baby after him. She had a daughter and named her Nicolette who eventually went by Colette. She became a reformer of the Poor Clares, and due to several miracles attributed to her prayers, she is venerated as a patron of women trying to conceive, expectant mothers & sick children. Considering our struggle with infertility and my husband's name, I fell in love with this name. This was part of the reason I wanted a girl so badly - I wanted to use this very special name!
And now I spend my days taking care of and lovin' on our sweet girl. :-)
~Becca