The only time in my life when I thought that maybe I didn't want children (or rather, that my deep desire for children was meant for a purpose other than typical motherhood) was when, for a brief time, I considered entering into religious life, and even with that, the only life I could imagine entailed working in an orphanage, surrounded by babies & children. When Nick & I started dating again after a 3 year hiatus, I immediately knew that God was leading me to marriage and being the mother of Nick's children. Life was beautiful.
Now let's back up several years. From the beginning, I've always had extremely painful menstrual cramps, and in high school my doctor put me on birth control. I DID NOT want to take them, and we even tried a pain reliever prescription first, but they only worked if you knew several days ahead of time when you would start, and since I had irregular cycles, they did me no good. So, 'The Pill' seemed to be the only other option (and as a 15 year old, how was I supposed to know any different?). I convinced myself that as long as I wasn't having sex, to use the pill for pain relief was morally O.K. I knew that I'd get off of it by the time I got married and that I'd just deal with the pain then (side note: the pain subsided only a little while on the pill, just enough for me to function with the help of lots of ibuprofin).
Well, I did get off of it several months prior to our wedding and we took a class on the Sympto-Thermal Method of natural family planning. We started trying to get pregnant about 5-6 months after our wedding, but as the months went on, we weren't pregnant and the pain got increasingly worse. At least twice in the first year of our marriage the pain was so intense that I had to go to my OBGYN for emergency exams. In November of that year (2011) I had a laparoscopy during which she removed some endometriosis. She recommended that we get pregnant by the following January. Sounded easy enough. Except that the pain never really got better, and by our anniversary in February we still weren't pregnant.
I started to look into the negative effects of birth control. It was kind of difficult to find a trusted source that could give me more than just 'decreased libido' as the main negative effect. One quick-reference article: http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resources/life-and-family/sexuality-contraception/what-a-woman-should-know-about-contraceptives/
For the life of me I cannot find the article that I read that spoke about the relational side effects, in which a woman's ability to choose a suitable mate is affected due to the lack of hormonal fluctuations, as well as more information on how it decreases your fertility. At any rate, I was overwhelmed and infuriated at what I learned, and I encourage you to do your own research if you haven't already done so.
When Fr. Andrew Merrick, the priest that married us, asked when we were gonna have a baby and we told him we were having trouble getting pregnant, he immediately recommended we contact Dr. Robert Chasuk, who is the only doctor in our area who practices NaPro Technology. I went home and looked that up and was instantly intrigued. The success rates were way higher than those of IVF and artificial insemination (which were never options for us due to our religious beliefs). We made an appointment in March and began our NaPro journey.
http://naprotechnology.com/
Dr. Chasuk had us learn the Creighton Model of natural family planning, which helps identify problems better than the Sympto-Thermal method. We did a series of lab work to look at my hormone levels, and the results mirrored my charts - low estrogen as well as low progesterone. He started me on estradiol and hCG shots to help boost my levels. (Nick became quite the expert shot-giver!) I was to go once a month for lab work so he could monitor my levels. We were told to avoid getting pregnant until the levels were high enough. The week of my birthday that year Dr. Chasuk called with my results and said that we could start trying! We were so excited. Nick even bought me a pregnancy companion book for Catholic mothers for my birthday. It will always be one of his sweetest gestures (and there are PLENTY of those!).
After a few more months of trying, I was put on Letrozole, a medication to facilitate normal, healthy ovulation. Several months of good hormone levels went by, but still no pregnancy.
We were nearing the 2 year mark of trying, and I was growing weary. Why would God plant that deep desire for children in my soul and then make it seem impossible to attain? I knew that many couples try much longer, and so my weariness would turn into guilt sometimes because I knew my life was full of blessings in so many other areas, namely my wonderful marriage. But then I would think of how the majority of our marriage was wrapped up in trying to have a baby, and I would be reminded that the intimacy and good communication that we enjoy is due greatly to our journey through natural family planning. I also knew that, since NaPro was relatively unheard of, maybe He was using us to spread the word (which is one main reason I'm writing this).
Dr. Chasuk then recommended that I undergo surgery by a NaPro trained surgeon. There are only a handful of their surgeons across the country and the closest to us, Dr. Karges, is in Houston. I had the surgery in July of 2013. She did a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and hysterosalpingogram. The NaPro technique is very detailed and thorough, with great focus on preserving the woman's fertility. To give you an idea, the first surgery I had here in Baton Rouge lasted less than 30 minutes; the surgery in Houston lasted over 3 hours. Dr. Karges removed endometriosis, small cysts, and scar tissue left over from the previous surgery. She also found some bacteria in my uterus for which I was put on multiple rounds of antibiotics. Due to recovery time and the need to avoid getting pregnant while on those meds, it was two cycles later until we could start trying again. I continued on all the other medication and had my blood tested monthly as usual, but now under Dr. Karges' care. (And no, I didn't have to go to Houston for any of this; my blood was drawn here, over-nighted to the lab she uses in New Jersey, and then her nurse would call me once they had the results.)
Those next few cycles were emotional roller coasters, met with pure excitement and followed by extreme disappointment. After all, I had heard of a couple getting pregnant the very next cycle after the woman had the same surgery in Houston - when was it going to be our turn?? In October I asked the nurse why we weren't pregnant yet, and she said that Dr. Karges had seen it take up to 18 months for couples to get pregnant after the surgery. That calmed my fears, but also put a damper on my spirit. If only I could know if it was EVER going to happen, then I would know if I should hold on to hope or not. But that deep desire would not go away, and I just knew that it came from God, and that if He gave it to me I should not give up on Him.
In December, just a few days after my fertile phase, I came down with the worst sinus infection of my life. I was absolutely miserable, and I was disappointed because I knew there was no way my body would let me get pregnant while under such a stressful situation. (Just in case you didn't know this, your body can inhibit you from becoming pregnant if it senses that you're too weak or stressed to handle it.) So, on the 28th, a day or 2 after I had expected to start my next cycle, I began to wonder. When I still hadn't started on the 29th, and not even the slightest cramping had begun, we weren't sure what to think, knowing I had never gone that long but afraid to make an assumption. (And just in case you're wondering, I couldn't take an at-home pregnancy test because the hCG shots I was on would always result in a false-positive, so I'd have to have a blood test.)
The next day was a Monday, and I was still very sick so I stayed home. I emailed my chart to the nurse and asked if I could be pregnant. She called and said that if I felt well enough to get to the lab for the blood draw she could have the results the next day. Of course I mustered the strength to get to the lab that day, but unfortunately I missed the Fed-Ex pickup time for that day. It wasn't shipped until the next day, but because of the New Year's holiday, the lab wouldn't have my results until Thursday. However, due to the major snow storm that hit the Northeast, all flights were grounded, so the lab still didn't have my blood by Friday. The nurse told me that Dr. Karges said the hCG from the shots should be out of my system and asked me to take an at-home test, because if it showed positive she wanted to start me on oral progesterone just-in-case, until my lab results came back. So I did, and I didn't even have time to flush the toilet before it showed positive. So I started the progesterone pills. Of course, because of the test & because I still had not started my next cycle it was hard to think it could be anything else, but as I'm sure most of you know, it's a natural defense mechanism to not let your hopes get up until something is a sure thing. Needless to say, the first week of the new year was TORTURE.
On Monday the 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany, the nurse called me at work. When she said that Dr. Karges had written CONGRATULATIONS across my chart, I was flooded with joy. I was crying so much when I called Nick that he couldn't understand what I was saying and at first he thought that I was giving him bad news. Poor thing. :-)
I'm now on progesterone shots, which Nick has become an expert in giving, as well.
It has been 3 1/2 weeks since I learned for sure that we were pregnant, and I'm not sure it's sunk in all the way yet. It's very difficult to get your mind to switch from dreaming of something for so long to accepting it as reality. We are both so, very, over-the-moon excited! And after looking at it on my bookshelf for over a year, I've finally begun reading that book from my dear, sweet husband. Life is beautiful.
Becca
P.S. - Read below Fr. Andrew's response to the good news.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW
That is what I call a true Advent and Christmas experience!!!!! Really, your Advent was just a little longer than you would have liked, but all the time, the Lord was preparing you and Nick to be the father and mother He so desires. Now as "a child is born unto us," you begin a "new advent" a new "presence that while present to us now will continue to unfold and blossom" - in your womb of all places!!!!
Sing with Mary her Magnificat!!!!!!!
Amen.
Fr. Andrew
