Of course, this makes us nervous. And maybe in my case inclusive of a little Divine Humor, since I earned a degree in geography, it's only fitting to take away the 'map' I believe I had to get me there (and even with that one, 'there' wasn't exactly clear).
I think he wants me to relinquish my map, my eyes, and my sense of direction, and think of only one direction: to Him. I must let go of what I think I know, and let the One who knows me better than anyone take over. Which, when you put it that way, His way will obviously be better. I must continue to surrender myself to His Will, take the steps into the unknown, not even looking to where my feet are landing, and keep my gaze fixed on Christ. But making that part of a daily routine is a trial in itself.
So in that last month or so of job hunting, I've done my best not to worry, and mostly succeeded. In doing that I've shown myself that when you do surrender your will and pray about it, then there is no room for worry. In fact, just the opposite. I've been filled with joy and wonder in this whole discernment situation, wondering to where God will lead me. What could it be that is better for me than what I could imagine? I have no clue. But I trust that "God works for the good of those who love him". So in this way, it's all taken care of; it's all sorted out. When I keep this at the forefront of my mind, worry and fear cannot come in.
Don't get me wrong, I have been avidly pursuing another job. But I've left myself open to the workings of the Spirit, and not just applying for ones that I think I may be able to do or in a chosen field. This is a great adventure of life, when you are following the narrow path, and the only map is the light of the Gospel.
Maybe I'll be a carpenter from now on. I did build this in a little 'down time'.
I have discovered a love for woodwork. I just wish I had more knowledge of technique to build different kinds of things like bookshelves and other furniture. Mostly I just make it up as I go. And since I've used recycled woods, it's a lot like a puzzle when you can only use certain pieces.
This period of unemployment has also brought me the extra time I needed for 're-alignment' of my priorities. Namely, putting God first. I have had much more time for prayer, daily rosaries, some morning masses, and a lot of time in the adoration chapel. And all of these in turn is filling me with more joy, more peace. I'm thankful for this, because I need this much more than I need a job.
And God knows I need a job, He's God. He knows all the things I need to take care of my family and my home, He's quite aware, omniscient if you will. So if I know He knows, why should I worry. What good does that do? None.
A job allows you to take care of your life here, but essentially you were given that by the Lord, and if the time has come for Him to give you a better one, or a different one, you need to be open to that and hop to it. God is continually seeking us out. But if we occupy all of our time seeking everything we 'think' we need in this world, we will miss the train that's rolling on to the next one (Heaven, in case I confused anyone).
So really, now that I think about it, I've always been on this 'trail'. We are all on it. But now I understand, that I don't need a map. Because I know where it all leads.
Pray for me, I'll be praying for you.
~Nick
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