A Father's Tale: Part 3

So last year, around the time Lent started, we had scheduled Becca's surgery for July. We were busy going about our lives, working and such. We had just moved back to our hometown of Zachary the summer before in 2012. Naturally, unpacking was still happening those many months later.

During that Lent, our parish had some special visitors who came to give a Lenten Mission. Probably because Fr. Jeff is friends with everyone in the world, there's someone new every year it seems. Father Kevin Scallan and Sister Briege McKenna from Ireland had arrived to give the mission, which included talks and Mass for about three nights if I remember correctly. I don't remember much of the content of their talks, but what I do remember was Sr. Briege's message on the Eucharist. Coupled with her own story of healing and the development of her ministry, she emphasized on how to seek the Divine Physician in our ailments, to abandon yourself to His mercy and trust in it. She didn't negate seeing doctors here in the world, but in her case how the Lord can lead you to the right doctor to help you even if you were unaware of an ailment (like in her case). We also got a couple of books, one by each of them, detailing stories of their lives and how their ministries came about. Very good reads, by the way.

Fr. Kevin gave some pretty good homilies, although that's all I remember about them, not really what was said. I just remember his simple way of connecting with you as you listened. He's quite a jolly fellow, sort of like St. Nick, minus the beard and with an Irish accent.

On the last evening, there was a nice reception for them with dinner, where everyone got to visit with them a little more. Several people in our parish suggested that we ask for Sister Briege's prayers for healing (her special gift / ministry) for Becca, and so we could have children. So once we got our turn, she said she would most certainly pray for us, and did right on the spot. But before she did, she said that we should go and talk with Fr. Kevin, because apparently "he has quite a knack for getting babies for people". So afterwards, we did, and Fr. Kevin explained that in one instance a husband got in touch with him, jokingly to tell him, "We're on our fourth child, can you please stop praying...".  That was a genuine laugh-out-loud moment. But he also prayed with us and for us, on the spot. It was a great memorable evening. And so, life continued.

In May of 2013, I needed a serious break from work, so I took a well-deserved retreat, of the fishing variety. It was sponsored by the local Catholic radio station, and the 'host' was Fr. Mitch Pacwa. It was a good getaway down to Grand Isle. Four days full of quiet, prayer, daily mass, eating, and fishing. Couldn't have been better, and it was exactly what I needed. At some point during the retreat, I expressed my situation to Fr. Mitch. He said that I should write to Mother Angelica and the Sisters at the Monastery in Alabama, where he lives right outside of EWTN. According to him, "there's been a whole slew of babies prayed into existence by those nuns!" If you've never heard him speak, he's always quick to laugh. But a very encouraging thing it was. He said he would even offer mass for her on the day of her surgery.

I told Becca about what Fr. Mitch said when I got home, and she thought that was a great idea. So, as it happened to coincide with Mother Angelica's birthday, we wrote it as a birthday message to her, asking for her and the sisters' prayers. As some more time went by, and the surgery approached, we had kind of forgotten that we sent the card. Some time later we received something from the monastery in Alabama. It was beautiful little card that said the sister's there were setting aside an entire day of prayer, for our intention of healing and to conceive children, including mass, adoration, and rosaries. What an elating feeling it was to receive that wonderful gift. It was like we had a Holy SWAT team backing us up. (see more at http://olamshrine.org/)

So we were nervous for the surgery, at least I was. Probably more than Becca. I tend to have one of those overactive imaginations, likely stemming from all of the reading I do, but any-who. We planned to drive to Houston on a Thursday, have the surgery on a Friday, and recover through the weekend at an extended stay hotel down the road, and have a post-op appointment on the following Monday. She was a miserable wreck the whole way there, that night and the day of the surgery. She was on a clear liquid diet for the trip, then couldn't have anything after midnight, not even water. In all the miracles of modern science and medicine, you'd think by now they would have come up with an alternative to starving the patients before surgery. I felt bad eating dinner around her, and I tried somewhat to not joke too much about eating when she couldn't.

And then the surgery was delayed. For three hours. We were a little peeved, to say the least. She feels terrible and has a splitting headache, oh why, because she's had nothing for 12+ hours, not even water! It was a trying day, for sure. And just to compare the standard laparoscopy she had two years before to this one, time-wise (and I know this one included 2 other procedures, but the scope I believe was the majority) it took the other one twenty, maybe thirty minutes. With this procedure, as I explained before, being much more thorough and careful, lasted just over three and half hours. Needless to say, I was a Nervous Nancy in that waiting room. I did venture over to the chapel for a while during, and it was comforting. And besides the episode with surgery being delayed, our experience at St. Joseph's Medical was great. After a grueling weekend pent up in a hotel room, assisting my patient, we went for the post-op. We got to see lots of 'interesting' photos, and even a video of the surgery. Pretty cool. The doc was able to remove several spots of endometriosis, and the test on her ovary-flow came back looking good. (You'll have to ask Becca what the third test was; she may have even mentioned it in her post about NaPro.)

More recovery. A new regimen of medications. Another step. Another struggle. But no worries, right? That's what we as Christians do, because we know the ultimate goal. Knowing that we could offer our suffering as prayers was most comforting throughout all of this.

Another birthday (for her) passes, another Thanksgiving, and another Christmas season was beginning. Then, just after Christmas Day near the end of December, we realized that Becca's next cycle wasn't starting. Instead of detailing all that took place, read the story in:
(http://sheldensense.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-beautiful-life-with-napro-technology.html)
But basically after that fiasco, we finally got the word for the official blood test, that we were indeed going to have a baby! She called me at work, and I was driving through the plant so I had to quickly pull over and answer. She was crying and saying something that I couldn't understand, and my heart sank. I had to calm her a bit to understand her, but she said, "We aren't dreaming." It was one of the happiest moments in my life as she continued, "We're going to have a baby!". Oh yes, one of those feel-good, grace-filled, all the hairs standing up on your neck, kinda moment. So wonderful.

I really enjoyed when we got to tell our family, those were also some very memorable moments. I shot a video of her dad's reaction; priceless. Somewhere around the 8th week mark, we got to see the baby for the first time. And it's not like I didn't realize it yet, but the gravity of it took full effect. In a good way; I was totally pumped up. I'm pretty ready nowadays, we're just kind of waiting around.

So these many weeks later, 39 to be exact, Due Date is almost upon us. The time between has been filled with many preparation projects. Building a new porch over the entry to the house was one (and I quote from the wife, "I am not coming home from the hospital unless there's a porch to cover my baby's head"), which would have been impossible without Uncle Dewayne and Davy. Thanks guys. Preparing everything in the baby room was a lot of fun. Sometime in the spring we were able to find some awesome furniture on craigslist for cheap, and it was practically new.

We had two wonderful showers, and I felt the literal implications of being showered with stuff, or at least stuff for the baby. We're very grateful for all of the gifts and support we've received. But most of all, for all of those out there who prayed, and some who prayed unceasingly for us to be blessed with children. We kept our focus on God's will for us, and it never seemed to shy away from parenthood, so we knew it was the path. Then the Heavenly Father gave us a little someone to walk on the path with us.

Keep in touch y'all, and if there's ever a need for us to pray for you, do not hesitate to ask.

-Nick

A Father's Tale: Part 2

Where was I? Oh, yes...
So we went to the introductory class for the Creighton Model System, which turned out to be a whole other ballgame from the ole Sympto-Thermal. After the first group informational meeting, we decided to proceed with the training, and from then on we met with a Fertility Care Practitioner who taught us the charting methods and how to read the signs of Becca's fertility.

At first, I thought I might be questioning why I had to do this. This was after all, everything going on in her body, and I would just be the recorder in the booklet of whatever she told me at the end of the day. Then my better sense took hold and explained it to me. We made that vow on that (momentous wedding) day, and became a one flesh union, so that we not only treat each other and our bodies with equality, but we really are one in the same. So, being true to the union that exists, I had to be in this all way, and be in tune with what's going on with her body as much as she is. Being able to die to oneself for the other, i.e. putting the needs of my wife before my own, you begin to mirror Christ and the example of his Saints. And in serving, you feel that it is right, and you're on the right track. Also, beginning with this model at the early stages of marriage helped to strengthen our communication, as there was a lot of discussion about cycles and how she was feeling, among other things.

So we learned from the courses, and would meet back up with the practitioner at 'Cycle Reviews' once a month, where we would go over the charting, get some corrections, and learn a little more about the system. And after a few months of charting, we returned to the NaPro doctor in Baton Rouge, so he could look at the charts and determine a course of action. The first step was for Becca to go during the middle of her cycle for blood draws (several), to create what they called a Hormone Profile. As a small person with tiny arms and veins, she didn't like this all that much. So that was collected, and sent off, and we continued charting and learning more about the system. Every month we would learn a little bit more in how to describe signs of the day, so the charting would be more accurate.

Then the Profile comes back, and we visit the doctor again to discuss it. And it seems Becca's got low hormones all across the board. So he devises a regiment of medications, one to regulate her PMS and others to stimulate the production of the correct hormones. Notice the difference: we weren't injecting her with hormones, but were activating the part of her body that is normally supposed to be producing them, or produce them to a certain level.

If you were to ask if I expected this when we were planning to get married, maybe yes and no. This situation specifically, no, not really. Carrying the hardships with her, 'for better or for worse', then absolutely yes. We receive tests and trials from a loving Father, not torments and bitterness from a distant deity. And they're meant to make us stronger and more loving, and in turn bring us closer to Him. It's an ongoing practice to keep that at the forefront of your mind when undergoing such things.

As for the adoption alternative investigation, we had a great visit with a social worker at the adoption wing of Catholic Charities. Again, we didn't realize all that was entailed to even be considered as eligible to be an adoptive parent. But we had discussed already, pre-wedding vows, that whether we had natural children or not, that adoption would always be something we would want to do. Interestingly enough though, the adoption forms sat at home, blank, for quite some time. Several months went by before we ever began filling them out, and even then it took a while to finish them. There's quite a discernment going on with that route, it's no whimsical decision. You have to really examine yourself, in aspects I never really thought of too deeply. Such as if you would be willing to take charge of a child with special needs, or a child of different nationality or race. To me at least, the pathway to adoption wasn't closed, but it wasn't meant for now. And it made sense, since decisions of that nature should be deeply contemplated.

Somewhere down the road, and many, many blood tests later, the hormones were more or less on track.  Using the days of fertility to achieve a pregnancy was more likely to be successful. During this time, for about 6 months, we had been avoiding days of fertility using what we learned with the Creighton Model. This way, as being unsure of the hormone levels, which help achieve and sustain a pregnancy, we had avoided to the best of our ability having a miscarriage. Somewhere around her birthday in 2012, we were given the go ahead to start trying for a baby naturally. After a few months of no resulting pregnancy, our spirits and hopes began to wane again. We weren't sure what was going to happen.

All the while, many people in our lives were having children. As joyful as we were for them, and the starts of their families, it could be painful for us at times. But also during this time, I realized how much joy children give to me, and I was having a growing excitement at becoming a father. It grew a little more with every little victory we had.

When we began seeing the NaPro doctor in Baton Rouge, he had mentioned there was a procedure that could be an option down the road. Something that would alleviate Becca's monthly menstrual pains. And when I say pains, I mean like debilitating sickness pain, laid up in bed for 2 days or more pain, pain so intense it would make her very nauseated (and sometimes me, too.). It was a version of laparoscopic surgery, combined with two other diagnostic procedures, that would aim at removing her endometriosis and measure flow in her ovaries, and something else I can't quite remember. (Noting that this procedure was done in late 2011 by her local doctor, and supposedly treated it, but the pain never left.) The specially trained NaPro doctors perform this procedure with fertility in mind, more thoroughly searching for the inflammations and eliminating them, and leaving the area with as few adhesions as possible.

So we scheduled the surgery for July of 2013 in Houston. When we began with NaPro, the doctor to do the surgery was still in her special training in Omaha, Nebraska. But by the time we came to this avenue, she had resumed her practice in Houston, which made it much easier for us indeed.

Another step, another struggle. We held fast to our faith, and continued to pray, and ask for prayers.

End of Part 2...

Pregnancy...Not What I Expected

Most people, upon hearing that you want a baby, will offer their thoughts whether you asked for them to or not. So, since for two years I was 'shared with' a lot, I thought had a vague sense of what to expect when my time finally came. I must say, I wasn't nearly as prepared as I imagined.

I expected to feel nauseous and to vomit every day for about two months. 

I didn't expect to already love my baby so much at only six weeks that 'Mommy loves you' became my mantra as I hovered over the toilet each morning, nor to be so happy about throwing up because it meant my body was working properly.

I expected to be totally exhausted the whole first trimester.

I didn't expect to embrace nap time as my first 'cuddle time' with my precious, tiny baby.

I expected to never be able to eat enough once the second trimester arrived.

I didn't expect to enjoy the increase in appetite and see it as sort of a fun challenge to share with my baby all the 'good' food that I like.

I expected my body to grow bigger.

I didn't expect to be fond of the way I look pregnant, nor did I expect my heart to grow proportionally greater than my belly in ways I can't really describe.

I expected to become uncomfortable as my baby grew.

I didn't expect to be totally amazed at every movement, nor to be so entertained by the parts of his or her personality that I imagine are being exhibited by these 'silly' acrobatics.

I expected to be afraid of labor & delivery.

I didn't expect to be so encouraged during our birthing classes learning that my body knows how to deliver and that my baby knows how to be delivered.

I expected it to get harder to sleep as I approach full term.

I didn't expect to relish in lying awake next to my incredibly wonderful husband, nor to use that time to pray earnestly about many different things that don't make it to the surface of my thoughts during the busyness of the day.

I expected to feel like I'm not in control of my body.

I didn't expect to feel so full of purpose, nor to be so content in 'taking it easy' and resting often from getting worn out so easily because I know that's what's best for my baby.

No, this pregnancy was not what I expected. 

It's been so much better that I could have imagined.

-Becca

A Father's Tale: Part 1

It occurred to me recently that I haven't posted anything in quite a spell. I'll have to review my last post to see where life left off....and....yes, October of 2013. What's happened since then? Well, there was Christmas, which everyone loves, especially me, and especially Frank Sinatra and Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Oh, and in January we found out that we were expecting our first child, which is the main topic of this post. (I did start a new job in March, that came about at just the right time, another incredible blessing.)

After Becca's wonderful post in January, I've been meaning to write a companion post. I wanted to speak to my perspective in this long journey from our marriage prep through our experience with NaPro Technology. But, as always, you get busy with other things. I've been busy preparing the house for another person.

Our marriage prep sessions with Fr. Andrew really set me on a firm path as to my role and duties as a husband, and later a father. I realized after everything we learned, that I had a pretty basic, narrow-minded view of marriage. Not bad, just simple. But marriage and parenting's role in society, culture, and the world has vastly much more meaning than I first thought.

With this new found knowledge, and vocation that gave me more purpose than all of the college courses I ever could have taken, we entered into our vocation giving ourselves entirely to the other. We both remember that day very vividly. Well, the ceremony anyway; the reception seemed to rush by! But we remember so much detail of the nuptial mass, it could only have been a grace from God that enabled us to see and remember so clearly. (Plus, pre-wedding, in the foyer, I believe I had a visit from my guardian angel, but more on that story later.)

So we began this new chapter in our lives, and it was wonderful. I was finishing college at the time, and I had all the support and encouragement I could ever need.  Becca gives everything she has in taking care of me, and I try my best to do the same. So after graduation, a real honeymoon, and a few months we were ready to start trying for a baby. We understood that the need to be financially ready wasn't as important as having our hearts ready.

We had been practicing a method of NFP, the sympto-thermal method, since before we got married at the recommendation of Fr. Andrew. So we took those courses, and began the charting with Becca. And when that time came to start trying, we began to use those days of fertility as we learned. After some time, we knew something must be off, because no baby was coming about. And every month, she was having such intense pains, that she would be practically bed-ridden for a day or two. I suffered with her, in my helplessness to ease her pain. It was a very trying time for me mentally, not being able to offer a viable solution which is something I'm usually good at.

So as Providence would have it, we were visiting down south in St. James with some friends, who happen to be priests. Fr. Andrew, who did our marriage prep and the marriage part of the wedding. My good friend Fr. Chris, who celebrated the mass at our wedding. And Fr. Paul, who was invited to the wedding, but ended up concelebrating with the rest of them (there was a fourth priest concelebrating as well, but he wasn't at this particular dinner). So we got to have a good visit with them, and sometime during dinner Fr. Andrew brought up the question of when we were going to start having kids. And we explained we had been using the NFP method since his recommendation back when, but nothing seemed to be happening. Then he tells us about a couple he was counseling, and they were going to see a doctor that specialized in something called NaPro Technology. He didn't know much about it at the time, but remembered the doctor's name in Baton Rouge and gave it to us.

Later that evening, before departures, we were prayed over by each priest in the little chapel in the rectory. I felt as though we had been commissioned for a holy task, and we had a new path to try our feet on.

So, not long thereafter we met with the doctor in Baton Rouge who explained what NaPro's goals were. They seek to diagnose and restore a woman's body and health to it's normal levels and functions, so that procreation can happen naturally. I realized how much sense this made when I heard it, and wondered how so many things out there have gotten so far off track and in most cases, totally remove the procreative and unitive act between a husband and wife. It seems as though those other things had forgotten about the woman, and focused solely on 'getting a baby'. During our first meeting, he explained that he preferred all of his patients to chart using the Creighton Model of NFP, and we would have to go to special classes to learn this method.

All the while, we were preparing ourselves to possibly bear the cross of being incapable of having our own biological children. So we began to explore adoption, gathering information and meeting with a local agency to get better acquainted with it.

End of Part 1...

Nick Recommends...

Book of the Week:  Joseph's Way - The Call To Fatherly Greatness.
I received this for my first Father's Day.  It has been giving some good daily inspirations and advice on how to be a father, modeling after historical fathers Abraham and Joseph.  I'm in the 50 range of 80 days, but it is good for the light reader, just a few pages a day.









Music of the Week:  Glen Hansard - Rhythm and Repose.   You may well remember him from that movie, Once.  Also a founding member of The Frames and The Swell Season, Glen is a very talented Irish singer/songwriter.  Catchy tunes, and excellent story-telling.  Enjoy.



Movie of the Week:
Guardians of the Galaxy.  I very much enjoy the Marvel movies, as enjoyed the comic books as a kid.  This one was no exception, and has it's little tie-ins to the rest of the 'Marvel Cinematic Universe.'  It has a good mix of Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and Marvel humor.  Fun time at the movies.